So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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