I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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