i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
