I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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