I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
