I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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