you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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