I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
