You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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