alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
