She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
