Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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