I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize