why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
