Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If that was your dad, he is hot
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
