She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize