So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
