I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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