I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize