I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
