I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
