Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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