May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
