She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize