omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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