His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
