now i know why i became what i already was.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
