zippers are such a cool invention
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
