I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
