i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
