She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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