If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
