I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize