Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
