I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
