dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
