smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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