Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
