after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
