yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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