It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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