so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
