Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize