never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
