Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
