I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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