I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
