I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
