sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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