Dual....:-)
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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