I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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