I'm drive I can fine osifer
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
