I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
