the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
