You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
