I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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