Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
