Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Shame is for Republicans.
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