trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
