It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
