And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
