i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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